The disappointing thing was that I felt so lumpy. When I looked in the locker room mirror, all I saw was persistent fat. I battled the temptation to listen to the naysayers in my life and dump this Kind Diet/vegan adventure as a bad idea. I do feel thinner on the inside, but externally I look pale and doughy to myself. Yesterday anyway.
I have enough experience with my own body issues to know that what changes from one day to the next is my gaze, not my thighs. It took a long time to pack this weight on. It won't be easy to take off. But there's no reason I can't do it. I'm still working very hard to adapt to my new lifestyle -- not that I've strayed. I haven't eaten an animal product since January 1. It's only been three weeks. Still, I fear being the world's first obese vegan yogini.
Some days you just need specific measurable results. Like new jeans or the surprise ability to cartwheel up Amsterdam. When all you've got is Be Present pants that refuse to stay tied near your navel, and a clumsy trudge to the Columbus Avenue bus stop with a 20 oz. (vegan) Coke Zero, you have to surrender the day and show up tomorrow. On faith.
Guruji says "practice and all is coming." I would pay extra for express shipping. But since that option is not available, I'm going to have to show up again today just because I said I would -- and, without landmarks, trust that I'm heading in the right direction.
Anybody who thinks that's easy, never really tried.